happy new year to all (:
i hope that all of us will have a good year ahead.

new year,
new beginning.

TAY SZELEE!!
YOURE SO XINFU!
OFF FOR TWO DAYS!

___ HUIMIN! (i dont your surname leh)
I WILL MISS YOU DE!
YOU BETTER MISS ME TOO!

gg to meet rachel soon,
cfm late again.
i wanna quit this habit!

today is my off day.
but KNS,
im down with slight fever and 泻肚子。

went to watch night at museum with my cousins (weikait and weihao).
funny.

really really very tired.

2006 is coming to an end.
gonna review my 2006 tml bah.

gonna work full shift on sunday.
DAMNit.

spent my xmas eve with szelee,huimin and aaron.
xmas - working.

work has been tiring,
the schedule is quite hectic.
still not quite used to be standing for long hours.
friends over that are quite funny.
ytd took train with mali( cashier ),
today took train with colly( cashier ).
there will be a new cashier everyday.

been having supper.
ytd met michelle for laksa,
today, jo for char kway tiao and prata.
FATTENING.

everyone is so jolly as chirstmas is near.
but im not.
not this year.
seriously,
i do hope to be counted out of any party.
just not in the mood.
not in the right mood.
no,
its not because i got to work.
no,
its not because im tired.

maybe im just having moodswing.

tml mayb gonna hangout with my cousin and huimin?
i dont know.

only one word can descibe how i feel.
SIAN.
probably its just how every 18-year-old will feel.
just SIAN of everything and every festival.

after working at giordano (atrium sales),
i think its just not that scary to be talking to strangers.
我已经跨出了第一步，
而且是一大步，
是值得开心的咯！

okays,
damn jiao.
gotta sleep,
tml morning shift!

i start working le.
sorry friends for not introducing.
cos its not sth u all will like to do,
its selling sales item for giordano at outram park.
you need to stand for 8 hrs per day and get pay like $5 per hour.
i dont think its a good job offer,
so i nv intro.
as for me,
i just need to find sth to do so i dont get bored at home.
im working with my cousin and her friends.

today is yvette's birthday!
we went to sing k at kbox.
5 hrs.
having sorethroat alr.
wahhaha.
successful kill chicken session!
once again,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVETTE!

tml gotta work again!
except for the aches in my legs,
i think im happy working there fot the time being.

yanping's pressie!
lazy to correct the sequence of the pic alr.









hand pain!





comp just broke down again!

you guys may not see me as often.

my xmas pressie from rachel :)

hell bored.

supposed to go swimming with joyce.
but its still raining cats and dogs.

ytd went all ard tamp to get yanping's pressie with mervyn.
share share.
im still busy with the pressie.

meeting june at 3pm for a feast before she go thailand.
wahahha.
been saying that since way before As.
finally i get to meet her!

then must get back to work with the pressie before time up!
yanping ah yanping.
hope u will LOVE the pressie hor.

weishan must change before sch reopens.
build up confidence level,
be determined,
cannot be lazy anymore,
stop being late for meet ups,
stop being fatty bom bom ( quoted from june).
weishan ah weishan,
tsk tsk tsk.

ytd went job hunting at vivo with jo and her friend, jiaying.
more like a shopping trip.
haha!
thou more or less im left out
but its always better than rotting at home.
went cine at night.
ask nike, cathay and kbox for job vacancy.

jiaying is a bubbly girl i guess.
not that difficult to blend in with.
she bought the xmas candycane and shared it with us.

after jo n ying had supper at khatib
we walk ying home,
then jo and me chatted at the bball court till 2am.
it started raining cats and dogs.
went home.

today my cousin called,
so yea,
i think i will be working with her from wednesday onward i guess.

SHIT.
i made a stupid grave mistake!!

FUCK.

okies.
ytd was a great day for me.
at least i didnt rot at home.

i went downstair with rachel and jo for lunch.
thou i had mine at home, just went to keep them company.
had a great chat with jo abt homo.
hahs.
and as for rachel,
well,
she just broke up with her bf.
went back to their home,
rot awhile.
jo passed me the dvd of this movie called Be With Me.
i bought it home.

was 1 hour and 30 minutes late for meeting my hockey clique.
only chahyiin, sisilia and yanping turn up.
where's my baobeicheryl? she's always missing from the meet ups!
met at ps.
had dinner at op restaurant.
not worth the money.
thot of getting the zen neon.

met gary and terence to settle some stuff.
went damien hse with them.
don doggy is so botak!
its so unfamiliar hanging out with damien and gary alr.
hais.
cabbed home at 12.

msned.

was bored.
so i watched Be With Me.
theres 3 stories overlapping
Finding Love,
So In Love,
Meant To Be.
this is the review i found online.
the movie is damn inspiring.

Determination can conquer e most difficult and discouraging thing in the world.

do grab the dvd.
ha.

slept at 4am.
only woke up at 3pm.
gg to meet joyce soon,
she coming over to chongpang to look for legging.
dont know if i shld stay over at jean's
cos im sleeping so early,
so i dont feel like staying over.

i dont know if jo is still meeting for job search tml at vivo.

there's a fish bone in my throat.
and its not getting out nor down.
fiak.

then i cant meet stef tml alr.
:(
because there's a fish bone in my throat.

just met michelle and weising.
super crappy.
but i love their crappy jokes.
it spells happy.

there's a fiaking fish bone in my throat.

milkshake @ MOS!

ytd went for my cousin's wedding dinner.
half way zhao with jeremy alr.
wahhaha.
headed down to MOS tgt but went seperate ways when we reach.
met sherwin and gangs( too many names to mention) at the roadside.
the queue was so long that i thot i wont be able to get in alr.
reached at ten plus but only able to get in at 12.
yuhchu just cut the queue and we followed.
wahhaha.
so we got in!
my cousin jeremy decided to go elsewhere.

saw sokyin this time!
hihihi sam!!!!!
and yongtah!
surprise surprise!!

milkshake was far better than the party we went the other day.
but its still overcrowded.

kahsiongasshole still mocking at me over terenceincident.
thanks ah!

we left at 3++.
cabbed home with huilin, joyce n yuhchu.

had fun.
shiok!
bye.

im back home!!
home sweet home!
(:

finally recovered from fever on wednesday afternoon and decided to turn up for class chalet.
reached there at ard 8+pm
did night cycling.
slack ard in the chalet,
played stacko,
lights off at 2am plus.
poor sherine,
she was awake the whole night.

today woke up.
watch Forrest Gump on mervyn's laptop,
fell asleep again.
went out to check out escape,
decided to use the free tix,
but it was raining, walk back to chalet play cards.
fun and funny.
went escape at ard 4pm
bbq at 8.
leave chalet at 10
cabbed home from khatib at 11.45.

was so nauseous after flying like superman.
asshole.

the most healthy chalet ive been to.
no drinks no ciggy.

tuesday my classmates who went prom went balcony.
i wanted to take a look at there but well,
im sick.
ytd gave momo a miss again.
was at the chalet when mic n rachel decided to go.
this sat trip to MOS also cancel alr,
lin became 独眼侠 and joyce is having exams.
so i cant club with my cousin(jeremy) alr!!
according to him, he has got a stack of tix.

jobless = hopeless.
if i still cant get a job soon im gonna take up courses or visit the library most often alr.
cant be wasting my time over here.
need to find sometime enriching to do.

gotta meet ianrik tml for my jacket.
freaking forgetful,
left it at the chalet.

many memories was brought back at the night cycling.
how DPG came abt.
all the other chalet trips.
what kind of person i was then,
hypocrite they said.
mayb i shldnt fucking bothered abt what they called me,
cos im not who im used to be,
my loved ones know it its enough.

its not easy keeping everything to yourself.
the world can be as fake as it is.
who are the ones who are really true to you?
i always wonder.

sorethroat and feeling weak all over.
had a hard time digging myself out of bed.

went to meet up with my study grp ytd.
met sherine by luck at town.
help her with her bro's birthday pressie.
pool-ed and rot.
went to meet angie at night.
acc her for dinner at khatib.
checked out price for bbq item.
bought super ring and green tea and start rotting at the playground.
green tea as beer and air as cig.
well,
we're broke!
what to do!

and i felt sick today.
fiak.

gonna call cedric soon.
i need that job!
running out of money!

assuming everything falls right in place,
its gonna be a busy week next week.

monday i will be gg for a interview to be waitress if cedric's coming back on time
tuesday's ijc prom night, im not involved but i may turn up to take a look for my classmates.
wednesday to friday, there's class chalet for s65
saturday will be my cousin's wedding.
and not forgetting clubbing after the wedding dinner!

3 more weeks and im left with $150,
fuckshit.
must start borrowing from everybody.

went to swimming complex ytd.
and guess what?
the sun only fucking came out after i left the complex.
damn!

went swimming twice today.
great weather.
:D
alone in the morning and with joyce in the evening.
tanned.
chao TA!

tml meeting up with my a level study grp.
(:
catch up before jiansiang go into NS.


reminiscing again.
it would be nice if time would have stopped at sec sch.
really.

ytd i dreamt abt so much random things.
its kinda scary to have so many doubts in life.

like just stop asking where im heading next.
which school i would like to go to.
im not interested at all?

like fuck?

i've got no idea where's my interest and what's my passion.
18 and lost?
isnt it funny?
please mock at me.
aint a 18-years-old suppose to be a young adult who is able to make decision on my own?
and i cant fucking decide what i want for my life?
oh fuck.
FUCK.

cant watch L word now.
my dad just LOVES to stand behind me when im using comp.
-shake head-

screwed up life.

just finish watching butterfly（蝴蝶）.
not everyone will like it,
cos its a story of a lesbian woman.
but no harm watching it.
just search it on youtube.
(:

只要去相信，就会幸福。
爱，可能，放弃所有的一切都是值得的。

人，是不是应该更宽容易些？
难道同性恋就不算真爱吗？

//runs

WOOHOOO!
finally went swimming!!
with angeline boh!
the sun was good!
:D :D :D

so paisae to msg the wrong person.
i freaking send the sms to angie when i kept telling myself not to send to her!
its for somebody else.
oh motherfuc*ing ch*eby*.
LOL.
so paisae!

blog-hop ed

l word ed
butterfly ed
but yet to complete them.

gg to swim again tml.
alone.

meeting sher and sisilia in the noon for ktv!
shiok shiok.

going to trim my hair like SOON.
its freaking ugly.
i cant stand it anymore.

be right back.

forgot what i wanna blog alr.

everytime
when i was alone,
so much thoughts keep gushing into my mind.
there's always so much left unsaid.

the lack of courage.

im late.
it wont make a difference anymore.

its time to get rid e bad habit of being late.



i wish i could reach out to you again.



"Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you had not or saying nothing and wishing you had."



smses that will never reach you.

please pardon me.
its getting late
and im getting emo.

//runs

-edit-


ytd went MOS.
michelle dua me!!
kena ps by her for almost 20 times.
haha.

anyway,
it was super crowded last night.
we had to cut quene to get in.
muahahaha.
the quene was like...
so far from the entrance!

started to like clubbing a lil more.
still not quite used to it.

saw faezah there too.
so pretty!
:D

went home at 3.
must thanks yuhchu for leaving early with us.
he could have stay on with his classmates.

well.
its just another day rotting at home.

szelee!!
u know sth,
you can always jio me out when u're bored!
cos im bored too!
ARGHGH!

//runs

hello.
im back again!

filled with boredom.

gwenyth: dont worry abt me! (:

clubbed at DXO last friday.
went town and vivo last sunday.


angie stayed on tuesday.
met michelle and rachel for diner ytd.
gg to club at MOS today.

been thinking,
what's exactly im interested in.
what i really want for myself,
what i want to be in the future.
is studying suitable for me.
or do i have any innate talent?
but obviously,
i cant find the answer.

shld i even start studying all over again?

currently jobless.
anybody have any part time or full time lobang?
please intro me okies?
thanks alot.

//runs

我自由了！
but in dilema of where im heading to next.
Uni is definitly out of question.
im expecting to do real bad for it.
shithead!

from tml onwards.
im gonna start afresh.

sth inspiring again.

because im depressed again.


here:

$20.00
Sometimes we just need to be reminded!

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill.
In the room of 200,
he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"
And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money,
you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives,
we are dropped,
crumpled,
and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make
and the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or what will happen,
you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know,
but by WHO WE ARE.

You are special
Don't EVER forget it.

If you do not pass this on,
you may never know the lives it touches,
the hurting hearts it speaks to,
or the hope that it can bring.

Count your blessings, not your problems.

If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

-----------------------------------------------

failure.

//runs

something inspiring.
esp for people in depressing state ( like me).

----------------------------------------------

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.
He's always there for her.
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything,
including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too,
and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying.
"Just take care of my eyes dear."

This is how human brain changes when the status changed.
Only few remember what life was before,
and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Life Is A Gift

Today before you think of saying an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food -
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children -
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive -
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger orcondemning another -
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.

Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.

----------------------------------------------

thanks to all who cares.
(:

ijc gp tutors are so hardworking.
i should feel ashamed of myself.

told mum abt my plans after my A level.
as in how im going to handle this stupid failure.
she doesnt seems to disagree with me.
so i guess,
i should just go according to my plan.
which is take a turn back to poly.
a detour and back to the same spot.
alr have some courses in my mind alr.
hopefully i wont screwed it,
like what i've did in these 2 years.

who to blame?
myself.
for choosing it and not working for it.
DUMBASS!

well.
sloth.
it kills me and ruins my life.
im not gg to let it overwhelms me when i start afresh.
nv ever again.

tml is the first paper alr.

good luck to all my peers, my class, my study partners!
do well and make it to the U.
show them,
ijc can do it too!

but not me.
:(

//runs

an email:


Fond memories For those who born in the 70s and 80s.

1. You grew up watching He-man, MASK, Transformers, Silver Hawk andMickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles, MyLittle Pony and Smurfs too.

2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mugin Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drainwith all your classmates beside you, and brush your teethwith a coloured mug.The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times too.

3. You know what SBC stands for.

4. You pay 40 cents for Chocolate or Strawberry MILK every week in class.

5. You watch a very popular Malay dubbed Japanese drama on RTM1about schoolgirls who possess powerful skills in volleyball called Meoro Attack.

6. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.

7. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are madeof wood and the cushion is red. The big red bell gives a loud BEEP!when pressed. There are colourful tickets forTIBS buses.Theconductor will check for tickets by using a machine whichpunches a hole in the ticket.

8. Envelopes given to us to donate to Sharity Elephant everyChildren's Day.

9. You've probably read Young Generation magazine.You know who'sVinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.

10. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You wentfor the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on theseat to see the scenery.

11. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50. &@%#$*@#$^*!@#&^$

12. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry ShortCake and Barbie Dolls.

13. You learn to laugh like The Count inSesame Street.

14. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka (20 cents per pack), andDing Dang (50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changesevery week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ring pop, wherethe lollipop is the diamond on the ring.

15. You watched TV2 (also known as Channel 10) cartoons becauseChannel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.

16. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The ThreeInvestigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickeststory books you ever thought you have read. Even Sweet Valley Highand Malory Towers.

17. KFC used to be a high class restaurant thatserve food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives.

18. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiotand THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you justcouldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.

19. Catching was the IN thing and twist as the magic word.

20. Your English workbooks was made of somedamn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.

21. CDIS were your bestfriend

22. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised
characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths.

23. Waterbottles were slinged around your neckand a must everywhere you go.

24. Boys loved to play soccer with small plasticballs in the basketball court.

25. Teng-teng, five stones, chapteh, hentambola and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too...

26. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the mostimportant plants of our lives, guppies andswordtail being the most important fish.

27. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei andJohn, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks. Even Mr Wally & Mr.Yakki. What abt Miss Lala??? And Zaki and Tini in Malay Textbooks

28. We carry out experiments of our own to get yourself badges forbeing a Young Zoologist/Botanist etc.

29. Every Children's day and National dayyou either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumbfiles with 'Happy National Day 1994'.

30. In Primary six you had to play buddy for theyounger kids like big sister and brother.

31. We wear BM2000, BATA, or Pallas shoes.

32. Your form teacher taught you Maths, Science and English.

33. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.

34. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained,and you find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry your feet,and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.

35. School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.

36. There would be spelling tests and mentalsums to do almost everyday.

37. Your friends considered you lucky and rich ifyour parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.

38. You see Wee Kim Wee's face in the school hall.

39. You freak out when the teacher tells you toline up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl

40. Boys like to catch fighting spiders.

41. Collecting and battling erasers was a pastime for boys.

42. Autograph books were loaded with "BestWishes", "Forget Me Not", and smallpoems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch.Friend like you, hard to forget".

43. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk somemore, Iwrite your name ah!"

44. There were at least 40 people in one class.

45. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.

46. You brought every single book to school, even though there wasone thing called the timetable.




For those who are born in those days... remember the good old days?
For those who arent.... know what u missed out..?

Does/can the present be exchangable for the past?

U decide.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

just taking a break.

3 more weeks to go.
no longer pinning any hope,
just study and do all i can.

start asking me out after 16 nov (:

for the first time im gg to face such a big failure.
i wonder if i could managed.
alr broke down 3 days ago.
hopefully i cld just face it bravely and
start a new life with positive attitude towards study.

all i need now is to search for the confidence.

move onback to my sums.

//runs

或许当初不要那麽固执，
那麽任性。
或许当初应该接受大姐(damien)等人的冷嘲热讽，
应该有自知自明。
或许现在我就不会进退两难。。。

或许当初应该坚持自己的立场。
或许。。。

//runs

今天我看到 miss foo!
有一种说不出来的感觉涌上心头。
是一种搀杂着开心又难过。

我们是隔着玻璃窗的。
我很兴奋地和她打招呼。
她给了我几个飞吻。
还不断的比着加油的手势，
为我的会考打气。
我真想抱着她大哭。

和她道别后，
眼泪在眼眶里不断的打滚着。
一直在想，
我该放声大哭吗？
最后我还是决定不然任何人看到我的另一面。

我，
真的很想哭。
我已经不知道还有谁能让我倾诉了。

很多时候我发觉我老是徘徊在回忆中。
我不愿踏出那个框框，
也不让任何新的人进入我的世界。
一有机会和旧朋友在一起，
我一定不放过。
可是，
我发现，
仿佛只有我一个人是如此。
大家好像都已经向前走了。
只有我，
在原地踏步，
不想离开两年前。
我还是很希望时间在两年前早就停止了。

两年一眨眼就过去了。
人也变了。
一直在想念着过去，
但，
却永远也回不到过去了。

我很不开心。
或许是潜意识堆积着压力吧。

我只想快点结束这一切，
能否进大学已不是我的目标了。
我只想。。。
找回快乐。
应该是这样吧？

//runs

我很不开心。

one auntie addressed me as ah boy just now.
...
i think its worst than being recognised as a 12 years old.
...

everything's not done.
engine not started.
DEAD.

//runs

woohoo.
taking break like nobody's business.
went to study with ohyuanping ytd.
only did a lil practice on probablilty.
im dead.
at night went dinner with yp, auntie and her nephew,
headed down to yishun.
went mahjong at their friend's place.
xiao xiang gong for twice, somemore 2 missing tiles.
wth.
guess im still new to mj as compared to those professional players.

gotta pack my room.

5 weeks left.
i think im prepared to waste my $300 plus alr.

im such a disappointment to my parents and grandparents.
unfilia!!
hais.

//runs

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 100%

Envy: 60%

Gluttony: 40%

Wrath: 40%

Greed: 20%

Pride: 20%

Lust: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 40%

You will get bugs, because you're too lazy to shoo them off. And then you'll die.

How Sinful Are You?

im late!

//runs

i forgot what i wanna say alr.
:(

oh ya.
i gained abt 2 kg.
so horrible.
feel like killing myself!
kan na sai!
and i HATE MY HAIR.

i think i hate myself.

went bugis today with june.
she bought her materials,
we went to the temple to see the art work,
then to bugis street to look for skirt.
went back yishun to have shrimp wanton mee.
then sat at mac.
do maths.
too bored.
went popular to get my maths solution book!
then june n alex go makan, i went home.

ARGH.
i hate myself for getting so fat!
fuck it!

//runs

regretted not clubbing with joyce alr!
cos i still cant slp now.

went shopping with my mum today.
went bugis.
izzit that weird to bring ur mum ard bugis street,
everyone is like staring at me?
my mum is good at spotting bungs.
-claps-



went sembawang to meet up with joyce daph n jin.
caught up with each other life somehow.
im so happy for JOYCE!
weeee!
JOYCE JOYCE JOYCE,
SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
dont forget we're gg to meet up next sat at daph's place!

went hm.
rot.
rachel msged me.
asked me acc her for a drink cos she's sad.
went down.
drank.
got home.
continue to rot.
ROT.

time to sleep.
gotta meet up with june to do work tml.
nights.

//runs

if ever any one of the 6 girls recalls how we get tgt,
let me know!
haha.


found a quote i like on alvin's web.

"Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you had not
or saying nothing and wishing you had."

the background music plus the quotes = heartwrenching.

yanping,
sorry,
the phone was outside,
the minute im gg to pick up u put down alr.
then i went to the toilet.
SO SORRY.

shld i go clubbing tml?
the last time?
to destress?
then full focus on a level?

//runs

random thoughts.

was looking thru some of the photos we took in 04 and 05.
WO SHI CHOU(UGLY) DE LOR!
from the first few outing when all of us not very shou,
until now shou dao lan.
somehow i cant rmb how the 6 of us come tgt.
its kinda weird.
cos in the first place we had our own clique.
and we form a new clique.
i sort of abandon my old clique cos im spending all my time with them.
i think overall quite happy.
then everyone got into different sch, different course.
get busy,
get attached.
somehow drifted.
just like me.
i haven't meet up with them since national day!
but i know they will still love me de!

me angie and ping was once so happy too.
screaming the song "superstar" on our way to cine.
bitching abt every single person we met with our "dingdongdingdong/tneh tneh tneh".
our favourite hangout: starbucks.
burning the weed and share only one caramel frap.
took neoprints.
we went town almost everyday,
till we got so sick of it.
we decided to choose the same sch,
ij.
and now.
everything changed.
quite drastic.
almost cant cope with it.
but survived through alr.

and to giokhui, kaiyan and xiaoling.
hohoho.
sorry abt drifting away.
but i nv forget the 3 of you okay!
sometimes i will look thru our NEOPRINTS.
i still have my braces on that time.
6yrs liao.
time flies.
thanks for the encouragement for my a levels.
meet up soon!

why am i here?
cos im done with my prelim papers.
i screwed them alr.
ytd was my last paper.
im free for the whole week.

my hair is getting long again.
TSK.

ytd was chatting with angie on the phone.
she has doubts.
abt the purpose of her existence.
who doesnt.
anyway,
just look at how fortunate all of us are.
we're not starving, we're not unwanted.
Friends and family love us.
if you want an answer to the doubts of your existence,
starting loving yourself.
we are nv satisfied with what we have.
therefore we are never happy with our life.
i was never happy too.
sometimes just need to kan kai yi dian.
ren sheng hai shi okay de.

ru guo de shi.

sometimes i just wish i dont need to hide anymore.

//runs

saw kaiyan again.
haha.

seriously.
i need to mug like mad alr.
im not doing well for the prelim.
in fact,
i can foresee i will did real bad for it.
hais.

exhausted.
doing last minute mugging for prelim is really draining.
and its NOT working.
slap me.

can somebody just grant me one wish.
let me sleep forever.
i just wish i can fall now.

40 odd days to go.
everyone is giving me ecouragement,
pushing me on.
what i did for myself?
probably nothing?
its just not easy to resist from temptation.
at this moment,
i shouldnt even be distracted.
-sigh-

everyday after exam will walk yp home,
then i will walk to casuway alone.
waokao,
the feeling is like,
im nv felt so alone before.
what's wrong with weishan nowadays?
-.-

and to my darlings:
I MISS YOU GIRLS!
start saving up!

we needa celebrate for my graduation,
whether i make it or not!

sentosa, club, WHATEVER!
LOVE LOVE LOVE. <3

//runs

today quite productive.
did my maths qns.

GIRLS,
i miss hanging out with you.
wait for the As to be over!
WAIT FOR ME!
58 more days?

CHAH,
im slacking too much lei.
lol.
its either tv, comp or bed.
thanks for the encouragement!
we dint forget ur prezzie,
u must wait for it okies (:

COUSIN,
eh,
you also must study for you O level hor,
thou im curious abt how our new-born newphew looks like,
but,
i haben finish preparing for my prelim!

back to work.
i really dont know what else can i do to my econs.
hais.
im just avoiding it.
its bad.

//runs

my hair is in bad shape.
decided to cut it.
i think i made it worse.
TSK.

today considered to be quite productive.

after knowing that some are worst,
i guess,
there's still space for me to buck up?
im not stupid,
am i?
assuming that im not,
i shld be able to pull through this shit.
but if i dont,
it just proven that im stupid.

we shall see.

//runs

went for extra lesson today.
mr ang go thru the ajc paper.
he tried to embarassed me today.
i wonder why.
intentional or not.
doesnt matter alr.
cos im alr pai sae-d

met june in the early evening.
studied abit only.
i just need somebody to stab me at my heart or shot me at my head.
DAMN WEISHAN,
DAMN YOU!
why cant u fucking study?!

//runs

met yanping , mer, jl at mac before heading to sch.
stoned.
went sch for consultation,
almost half the class went.
i did not benefit from it cos my mind was blanked.
went home.
rot.
rot.
rot.
rot.
and the list goes on.

jo called.
met her.
talked, did some maths.
june boo-ed me from behind.
went mamashop, met june again.
head home,
met june on my way again!
LOL.

put down my bag.

angie called.
went down to meet her.
rot.
bitched.
home-d.
here.
gg to do maths.

meeting yanping tml morning,
consultation in the afternoon.
that's abt it.
prelim2 approaching in 6 days time.
SOMEBODY,
PLS,
JUST KILL ME.

//runs

you dont know me.
and you wont want to know me.

i dont even know who am i.
i dont have an identity.
im just like a fluid.
takes up any shape that is given to me.

-------------------------------

gg to sch for econs consultation.
without preparation.
ought to be shot,
right at my head.

bang bang.
im dead.

//runs

sometimes im freaking desperate for friends to study out with me.
asked jo out to study twice but she rejected me!
boo!
im nicer than her,
in fact,
im super nice to her.
whenever she need to talk, i'll just meet her at e voiddeck.
its not really a heart-to-heart talk
but at least im an avenue for her to let out whatever is bothering her.
at least i understand.

not productive.
sucked.
i sucked at studying.
sucked at everything.
a level is in 59 days.
FUCK.

just fuck it.
fuck me.
fuck everything.

dont worry.
im not an emo kid anymore.

im feeling peace and calm.
;/

//runs

met jo to talk last night.
met her mum dad and bro at the bball court.
all the night owls.
then rachel came back from work.
she gave me 2 sticks of lavender.
jo walked me home.

slept at 2 woke up at 11,
slept at 3 again,
woke up at 7.
slacked.
so angry with myself.
why cant i just study?

//runs

supposed to read my gp notes at mac.
cant concentrate at all.
irritating.
before i leave, saw dajie, kahsiong, terence and ahfan,
they gg to play bball.
dint really say hi or bye.
decided to go home and slp.
but i couldnt slp.
ate maggiemee.
still couldnt slp.
gg to slp now i think.
waking up at 3am.
its prelim2!
and im like slacking?
WAKEUP WEISHAN!

saw that pretty/cute neighbour again.
i think she turned bung or sth?

ARGH!
what am i doing over here?!?!?!

//runs

Recently I've been,
Hopelessly reaching
Out for this girl,
She's out of this world.
Believe me.

She's got a boyfriend
He drives me round the bend
'Cos he's 33,
He's in the marines,
He'd kill me.

It's been so many nights now
I find myself thinking about her now.

'Cause obviously,
She's out of my league
I'm hopin' and wishin'
She's draggin' me in and now
I know I never will be good enough for her.

No, no
Never will be good enough for her.

heard this song over the radio while im travelling home alone.
find it cute.

getting out of my house to study my gp soon.

no,no
never will be good enough for her.

//runs

met up with june to study at cp mac.
she did her arts,
i did my econs.
only managed to read thru one chap of robertsexton.
wanted to do probablity
but i bought the wrong book out.
anyway alr 11.30.
got home.
rot.

//runs

went out to do econs essays.
cant do at all.
I AM STUPID.
tried to have a general revision on physics,
as in take down all the formulae and definition.
did 3 chapters,
too tired.
I AM STUPID.

headed home with rachel and alez's brother ( forgot he is twin 1 or twin2)
june is a nice person eh.
keep me companied when im in the mac.
the twins also quite friendly,
grew up so much, almost cant regconised.

wanted to slp.
end up here.
I AM STUPID.
wish there's no sch tml.

//runs

放空。

just bored.
update my photo album alr.
still have 27 more chapters to go.
MATHSNESS.
;/

//runs

WEISHAN,
u're a freaking loser.
you useless shit.


fuckoff.

//runs

im not gg to do this anymore!
GARY TAN YONG ZHUO,
u better feel honour that i changed this fucking blogskin becos of you!
i liked that one so much can!
WASTE MY PRECIOUS TIME.
NONONO,
im not gonna change the skin again ANYMORE.
NEVER.
ARGHHH!
my time flew away!

till then.
//runs

went to do econs essay today.
completed the essay.
not productive for revision cos we went shopping!
first i saw sherwin and songmin at yishun station.
next i saw kaiyan! and keith at fareastplaza.
kaiyan! EAT MORE LEI!
then cheegeok working at fullhouse.
daniel chua and his wife at ljs.
okays.
that's abt it.


basically i saw this dress.
damn nice,
even my ass and waist can fit in.
but thanks to my big boobs,
goodbye dress.



who has got the shortest tongue?
me!


who's a better kisser?


smile!

for more pics, refer to the album.

------------------------------

walked home from yishunstation.
went 755 to find rachel.
she was playing bball, i just left without calling out to her.
lazy.
saw this cute cat playing at the playground by itself.
im just as lonely as her.

got home.
rot my ass.

//runs.

im the perfect loser for the day.
went to swim alone,
lost my locker key.
but managed to retrieve it somehow.
was dying for companion,
nobody was there.
those whom i'm looking forward to meet up with were busy with their own things.
so i went to northpoint alone,
shop alone.
got my new sportsbra alone.
went home alone.

im darker than yvette and sisi and sher alr!
i can feel that my muscles has grown bigger too.
shiok shiok!
now im tanned and muscular and fat!

grow hair, grow!
its not long nor short.
IRRITATING BITCH!

i chose to let the chance slip away.

im so broke.
im left with $2 for the weekends and next week.
$250 just gone like that.
i dont even know what i did with them.

actually im quite thrilled to have spoke to him face to face ytd

gotta pack my room SOON.
even my bed is filled with papers.

oh ya,
ytd went to stay over at rachel's.
suppose to study,
but i sucked at maths.
gave up and called angie to chat.
she's a SILLY GIRL.

angie, it hurts to see your scars.
stop making me worried!
anything can always call me,
read: call me!,
not giving missed call.
im your darling, RMB?!
wonder if she will be reading this.

we slept tgt in her pathetic single queen size bed.
but its really cosy.

meeting up with sisi and yvette tml morning to do econs!
yvette is bringing along her ks baby,
and sisi maybe bring gy?
wahahha.
lightbulb again!
-roars-
why my life so miserable?!
nah.
just kidding.
im perfectly fine with being single,
just dont feel good to be the bulb!

to end my entry:
life is still a BITCH.

//runs

confused over several matters.
save me.

staying back till 8pm tml becos im late for sch today.
becos i dont feel like gg sch.
becos i just wanna catch up with my sleep.
becos im really tired.

read up temperature.
gotta wake up early to read up complex no. and vectors.
weekends; econs.

jo sure me all her funny video with her friends.
one word:
MADNESS!
i wish i could turn back time.

okies,
gotta catch up with my sleep alr.

//runs

not productive today,
not feeling well.
probably just an excuse.
just feel like rotting today.

that's all.

//runs

im at rachel's hse now.
doing homeworks.
lol.
taking a break from an econs essay.

hey hey.
can somebody reply whether there's any defects in my blogskin?
cos from her comp,
i realised that my tag column overlapped my entry,
thanks people.
(:

---------------------------------------

i find this mail interesting;

To realize The value of a sister:
Ask someoneWho doesn't have one.

To realizeThe value of ten years:
Ask a newlyDivorced couple.

To realizeThe value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realizeThe value of one year:
Ask a student whoHas failed a final exam.

To realizeThe value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realizeThe value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth toA premature baby.

To realizeThe value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realizeThe value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realizeThe value of one minute:
Ask a personWho has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realizeThe value of one-second:
Ask a personWho has survived an accident...

To! realizeThe value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend: Lose one.

-----------------------------------------

saw this quotation somewhere near jo's noticeboard:
NEVER GIVE UP!
sort of give me some encouragement n motivation.
seriously,
im still in dilemma whether to give up or not.
its just not right to think abt this anymore.
okay.
NEVER GIVE UP.
NEVERNEVERNEVER!

JIAYOU WEISHAN!


back to econs lecture notes.

//runs

saw Zhao ytd at chongpang.
cute cute ahbeng!
quite happy to see him kicking and alive.
but he slapped my fat arm!
-.-

at night went to 111 for the 7thmonth "banquet" thing with rachel and her family.
eat and crapped.
went to look for angie as she was chilling with cheegeok and leqi.
crap!
the thing ended at ard 10 plus.
caught up with jo at 113.
went hm at ard 12.
called angie on her phone.
told her abt my decision.
i finally made up my mind,
after so much ______________, i decided to ____ __.
hung up with angie.
did my physics tutorial.
slept at freaking 2am.

today almost died in school again.
so freaking tired!

gg out to study.

//runs

maybe i just shouldnt get affected.
there's better things to do in life then to get affected.

went to meet michelle ytd night.
it has been mths since we last met.
she quarrelled with her bf.
we shared 3 cans of beer.
shared our troubles.
her family just sucked.
they ruined her life.

i felt so fortunate to have my family,
even thou we're not fucking rich,
at least basic needs are met.

7 years of friends.
from kiddos to grown ups.
i really wish i can do sth abt her life as a friend.
met rachel n her bf.
bought another bottle of alcoholic drinks.
i just drown myself in alcohol every weekends.
mic went back to her bf,
me to rachel place.
wanted to talk to jo but dint get to.
went home after knowing that mic wont be joining us.

its alr 1am. having muscles ache all over my body!

i need to get numbed.
life sucks.
its too late now.
too bad.
//runs

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!

went to joyce's place.
took me 45mins.
and only stayed for 1 hrs.
the girls are getting more bitchy and high.
and finally our miss sissy jean came and joined us!
quite happy to see u girls thou i quite reluctant to go as its alr quite late.
afterall,
its quite worthwhile.
(:

very singapore:
-.-




//runs

went tp today:


this is the birthday boy, gary:

we actually forgot abt it.
he only told us after one whole day.

boredom:



dint study much,
wasted one whole day.
tml need to work doubly hard again.

wanted to get my shoes,
but no size available.
wanted to study,
end up being here.
TSK!

//runs

of all the things i do,
i PS my LAO DA PRINCESS YP.
wahahha.
sorry la.
decided not to shop cos im really upset by some personal things.

--------------------------------

im so amazed by gary's laptop.
we can actually take photo from his latop.

here:



the laptop cost him $3000 bucks.
rich sial.
I WANT THAT LAPTOP!

went swimming in the late afternoon with rachel.
went np to meet up with gary, joyce and huilin while waiting for rachel's bf.
had dinner with the 3 of them.
there's only one word can describe when im with them:
HAPPY.
went home and rush down to 755 again.
while watching rachel, her bro n bf playing bball i studied physics.
finally complete waves.
tml we're going to invade Temasek Poly!
must get familar to the environment,
cos most probably i cant get my ass into the university.

so tired.
so tired.
SO TIRED!

//runs

there is this nothingness within me.
i cant explain.

my hair is so thick and irritating.
need to get rid of them!

waiting for the arrival of friday.
meanwhile,
get screwed by school and homeworks.

life's a bitch.
trust me.
it is.

//runs

i had a bad day.

last night studied till 2am for maths test.
in return i got only 3.5/13.
what's wrong with me?!
felt ultimately demoralised.
saw mr ang outside the stuff room while i was handing in maths stuff.
he said to me: " work hard ah weishan."
waolau.
i just feel like dying.
its not that im not.
and i dont think i studied the wrong way.
do i deserve a 3.5 out 13 marks?
i read thru the notes, practiced the tutorial qns again.
wrong meh?

i may not work as hard as those hardworking student,
but im trying to work at least.

the pe teachers are chasing after me to get me to do napha.
just fuck it can.
do you ppl have a heart?
my leg injury alr caused me to have a pair of unbalanced legs,
and its all caused by that pe lesson.
go think abt it,
the medical fee is not cheap alright.
my mum n dad print money izzit?

you pple have REAP on monday at 5pm,
the girls doesnt have it.
just becos u ppl have 3 hrs of boredom?
and we were made to stay back with you people.
fucking pissed with the decision.
too bad, we're the minorities.

so much of the rantings.

-----------------------------------

cut my hair.
its freaking ugly previously.
doesnt make much difference thou.
mum dint even notice.
just snip off the long bunch of hair at the back.
saw evelyn. (HI!)

went back alone.
standing at a corner,
cornered by strangers.
spaced out.
not even thinking.
just stoned throughout the journey.

im just bad with making decision.
and in the end,
i made bad decisions.
today just reflects it totally.

giving up?
partially.
hate it.

//runs

i forgot to msg u right!
i forgot right!
cos i too busy for the whole freaking day.
SO SORRY.
but nvm,
i will make up for you..
nah.
this entry is just for you...
and ONLY you.
maybe ohyuanping also dont have this honour lor.
bet u will cry after seeing this!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

HAPPY SWEET 18 JOYCE!






love you,
shan.

ps:
i spent 40mins and forgo my time to do physics HOR!

ytd went to meet up with my sec sch friends.
9 turned up.


we took 51 pics.
and only 12 out of 51 you can see me in it.
and 5 out of 12 are grp photos!
all i can see from my cam was
ping, huilin, joyce, gen,
ping huilin, joyce gen.. .. .. ..


and some random pics.

time spent tgt was great.

saw one of my pri sch friend,
WOW!
he is so shuai now!
-drools-
lol.
:X

went to damien hse for mahjong.
initially wanted to study.
end up msn-ing and helping gary out with his tiles.
17 missed calls from my parents.
4 of us cabbed hm.

:)

-------------------------------

supposed to meet ping to study.
was too weak to keep myself awake.
i dont know what's wrong with me.

i have not done anything for the whole bloody day.
:(

//runs